I Met Him

I walked into the church not really knowing what to expect. I had a good feeling about what was to come, but I had never been to a Jesus Culture event.

I found my friends and took a seat in the row that was saved for us. After getting up and down a few times to let people in the traffic calmed down and I could sit and take in what surrounded me.

I noticed right away that there seemed to be a fog in the room. I kept looking for some sort of fog machine on the stage. But I couldn’t find the source. Amidst the teenagers, the mild crowd noise, friends catching up, I was baffled by the fog.
The night started with the sharing of testimonies from the outreach during the day. They were amazing, faith building stories. Told be teenagers. Some of whom were new to hearing God and going with what He says. People were healed from pain. Completely healed on the spot. These teenagers read their mail and asked to pray for them. It was awesome.

Then the music started.

It’s hard to describe the worship that Jesus culture produces. It is crisp, excellent, and spirit filled. That’s the best I can do. You really have to experience it yourself. I was able to relax and just be the worshiper that I am meant to be. It was such a joy. It was easy to get lost. I did get lost.

“I can’t hold back my love from you!” I sang. I danced.

“Open your eyes”. I opened my eyes to see the fog had intensified. It surrounded my feet and filled the room. Then this sound filled the room. I sensed in my spirit the Lord was near. I began to associate the fog with the Lord.

Then these words were sung.

I see the cloud
I step in
I want to see Your glory as Moses did

Flashes of light
Roles of thunder
I’m not afraid
I’m not afraid

Show me Your Glory

The Lord brought the story of Moses on the mount to my mind.
To give you a little background. I have always been fascinated by that story. How could this man have seen the Lord and spoken to him face to face? It happened. It is possible. I remember the first time I read that story. It captured me. I could not forget it. And it has been the cry of my heart for 10 years.

I was singing along with the song. Agreeing with the lyrics and asking in my spirit to see the Lord. I know this can be a scary thing, to really see the Lord. But I didn’t care. I’m not learning to hear and obey just to mark it off my list. I want to know the Lord. I want to talk to him face to face. And not just on that day when I no longer live on earth. I know it can be done here while I am doing the work He gives me. Heaven on earth is the Kingdom. Right? I believe so.

“Do you see the cloud”?

-Yes, Lord. I do.

“In your Spirit, step in”. Now, I would like to say how I didn’t hesitate. But I did. I was standing behind a chair. I couldn’t step anywhere. I am thankful that the Lord has lead to the place where I at least go with it even if it doesn’t make sense. So, I closed my eyes and in the Spirit I saw myself step in the cloud. Then like the beginning of a star trek episode I felt like I was hurled through space and came to an abrupt stop. I looked up and saw a man walking towards me. As he got closer I realized it was Jesus. Well, the way I had Jesus pictured. The Jewish man in a white rob, long hair, and a beard. He stopped right in front of me. I was in shock. Here He was. I reached out and touched Him. Tears filled my eyes. Then He said my name. He turned and stood right beside me. We talked. As we talked I realized that He was no longer wearing the white rob. He had jeans and a t-shirt on. He made a few jokes and even poked me the ribs a couple times. I felt like a brother was standing next to me. In fact, I started filling like I was being very reverent.

“Shouldn’t I be focused on worship? I mean, you are Jesus, the One seated at the right hand of God”.

“You are my sister. You and I are the same, co-heirs to the throne”. I was speechless. “We both love the Father”. He looked up and I turned and saw the Father. He looked at us and smiled.

What? This is nothing like I expected. I mean, I met Jesus. I met Him! We talked. He was nothing like I thought He was. All the stuff I had cataloged away as to what Jesus would do, umm...I had to throw away. Had I really missed it that much? I guess so.

In fact, I am writing this out, b/c you should really meet this guy. He is way cool. I cannot describe to you His eyes. You have to see them. Once you do, you can’t forget. I know without doubt that He loves me. That He will stand by me when no one else will. I know what He thinks of me. And I haven’t been the same sense He told me.

As I have processed all that happened that night, I asked the Lord if this is way that Muslims meet Jesus. I have heard that Jesus appears to them in dreams. The Lord told me that it was how they meet Him, but that they freak out. So, if you have met Him. Don’t freak out. You’re not alone.

Like Minded

Over lunch with a friend the other day I had a realization.
A few years ago I asked the Lord to bring people, woman in particular, in my life who would be like minded, courageous, full of faith, and weren’t afraid to talk about the fact that they heard the Lord. After Jon and I got married most of the friends I had decided I was crazy and stopped calling. (Yep, I had some say I was crazy) It hurt. I was angry. The Lord told me that He had cleansed my life of people who didn’t really want to know Him. I didn’t know what to do with that. I was a bit shocked actually. But I went with it and began to pray for new friends.
Two years went by.
Then one afternoon at a Bible study I was thrust into a strange and awkward phone conversation. Later that day the Lord had me step out of my comfort zone and call this woman (that I didn’t know) back and ask to meet her. The next day I went to her house.
I was nervous. My hands were sweaty. My stomach was in knots. Not only was I scared, but I could tell she didn’t quite know what to make of me. We sat and talked for a few minutes. The Lord had told me to ask her about something specific. I kept putting it off. But He wouldn’t let me go, so I asked. Talk about an ice breaker. I will never forget her words, “Well, I have an opinion about that.” And my life has never been the same sense.
Little did I know that one awkward conversation would lead to some amazing women and wonderful friendships.

H-
I liked you immediately. And the more I learn about you the more I know to love. Your depth is encouraging. Your story challenges me to press for more. You’re children are amazing and I love them. I love that in the course of a conversation you can give me a hug, b/c my heart is hurting, and lovingly correct error in my thinking. I love that you do, even though it may seem crazy, what the Lord asks of you. Thank you for pushing and striving for more. Oh, and I love that you have opinions and are not afraid to share.

A-
I am impressed with you. You came from a shitty situation and yet you can capture the beauty in anything. You have an amazing gift. No, don’t believe me. There are pictures on my mantle to prove it. You are beautiful. I love the blend of 1920’s glamour and 2010 pop culture that is you. Did I mention that you are beautiful? You are. And your kids.
I love how you are all out there. The good, bad, beautiful, and raw exposed as if you say, “This is me, like it or not!” Yep, it’s you and I like you.

T-
You are graceful in every way. It surprised me the first time you cracked a joke. But I smiled and thought yeah baby! I love your heart of worship and your desire for more. I love how you go for it, that you prayerfully consider everything. That you do what He tells you to do. My favorite memory of you, so far, is at the retreat 2 years ago. At the Come to the Chamber you just launched into worship, no ambitions. I didn’t really know you. I had just heard about you. I wanted to know you more after that day. I’m glad I do.

S-
I will admit the first time you winked at me I didn’t know what to do. It took me a while to realize that winking is kind of your way of saying, “I see you.” (Hopefully, you’ve seen Avatar.) Now, I miss it when I don’t get a wink.
The first extended time I spent around you was in Heather’s truck. Remember? You tried to play off the fact that you didn’t know how to tie a tarp and that you really don’t do much, but I believe that couldn’t be any further from the truth. You are steady and smooth. You do all the behind the scenes work that most don’t see. You didn’t say much that day in the truck, but when you did it was a zinger. I love that. Your girls are a reflection of you, beautiful and strong.

L-
You have a sweet, gentle, and loving spirit. I cannot help but smile when I’m around you. You are sensitive to the Lord’s direction and you go with it. His love resonates in you and flows through you. Your laugh is contagious. And your smile is beautiful.
I don’t think I can put into words how tender your heart is. But it is. It may be weird, but sometimes I feel tender love just standing next to you. Maybe it’s b/c you love to hug, which is great. Thank you for spreading the love.

E-
I love that in many ways we could not be more opposite. And yet our hearts are similar.
The way you play the guitar makes me want to be better. Yep, you’re good. Your writing makes me want to write more. I love it when we jam.
You are like a sponge soaking up Jesus. You have a strength that is resilient and a heart that is deep. I have loved getting to know you. Big things are in store for you. It’s written on you.

So, what was the realization?
You are answers to my prayer.
I am thankful, grateful, and feel privileged to know each of you. You are truly beautiful women! Inside and out.
It is nice to be around women who are like minded, who go for it full throttle, who press in wholeheartedly, and who love to have fun. I love that!
We talk about what the Lord is doing and where He is leading. Not only that, but we see to it that we get there. I really love that!
Thank you for your friendship, laughter, love, and for just being you!
I look forward to what is in store.

Much love!
SM

All I need

I couldn't sleep one night about a month ago, so like a good American I turned the tv on to try and veg the day away. It hurts me to admit this, but I sometimes turn on the Hallmark channel (guilty pleasure). There was a movie on called, When Love isn't Enough. It caught my eye, so I started watching. It was the story of the couple who started Alcoholics Anonymous and Al Anon. (I will admit I had to google Al Anon. I didn't even know it existed until that night.) I didn't finish it all, but the jist of the movie was that the wife's love wasn't enough motivation for the husband to stop drinking. It was a good story, just like any other sappy Hallmark Channel movie.
Over the next couple of days, the thought that love could be enough to live on stayed on my mind. Could love really be enough? What kind of love are we talking about here? The kind shared between friends or a husband and wife?.....I love my husband, but I don't think I could make it solely on that love....I couldn't shake the thought of living off of love.....don't know why, but the thought wouldn't leave me......it started to bother me. So, I asked the Lord what He thought.
"You could live off My love, you know. I Am all you need."
I didn't have much to say in response. What can you say, but thank you?

This afternoon, I was cleaning the rat nest that had become my desk. Listening to my ipod, drowning the world out I looked up to see that there was a storm blowing in. I am one who likes storms, so, naturally, I went out on the back porch to take in the smells, cool air, and watch the storm come.
The Lord said, "Step out in the grass." Until then I had been under the safety of the porch.
"Ok, Lord." Off I went. The wind was stronger. The air was colder. The trees seemed to sway a little farther when I was out in the middle of it. Now, it's not the I didn't notice all those things from the porch, but when I was exposed it seemed to be amplified.
I still had my ipod going. "How He Loves" came on. I love that song. As the song played, I stood in the grass watching the wind blow through the trees.
"Do you feel me?"
I will admit that I had been thinking that this was crazy and I should probably go back to the porch where I would be safe. But, I went with it. And as I stood there this amazing peace filled my heart, mind, and all the rest of me. "Yes, Lord, I feel you!"
"You see the trees bend. You know the storm is coming, right?"
"Yes."
"What are you feeling now?"
Now, remember that the words "Oh, how he loves us" are still playing in my ears.
Yes, Lord, you do love me.
And all of a sudden it clicked. Yes, you do love me. And even though I know the storm is coming, I DON'T CARE! All I feel is you.
Those thoughts that this was crazy were gone. I stopped looking at the effects of the storm. All I wanted to do was be with Him.
So, I said, "You know what, I want to dance. Let's dance!"
Yep, out in the middle of my yard, we danced.
"You please Me.... Now this is how you are to live."
In my heart, I knew that He was there and that His love was all I needed. It didn't matter what was going on around me.
Wait. What? All I need? Yep, He tied together those concepts in that moment. I could and can live off His love alone. This is how I am to live, right? As we danced, He sealed in His love!